good weekend, the light at the end

so far, this weekend has been great. we actually got the house clean and had people over here for once. we always have to go elsewhere to do stuff and no one ever makes the trip to visit with us (at least not at the house for more than 20 min) so it was a really fun time. i am hoping that this lasts. we have made it a point to go out and play outside with joli EVERY DAY even if its only for 30 min (its usually at least an hour though, she loves it) and we are also trying to do more things. before we would spend the entire weekend unshowered, in our pjs in the house on the couches watching tv and taking numerous naps until monday came back around and then more work. my mom told me one day that she thought i had become a "hermit" in the past year or so. it really made me upset but i guess she was right. i am pretty sure i have been at a level of depression myself in order to still deal with normal life but just not as happy as i should have been. i am making it a point to become the person that i really am, that i was before, and that i want people to see me as. i asked him to do that so i think i have to do so too. with the change less than a week old, i am already feeling SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better, more like myself. hopefully this lasts a long time. i remember being this happy and that i used to love the outdoors. im not sure what happened or when it changed but i think it was senior year of hs. that time when i lost ALL of my friends overnight because of my boyfriend at the time (he became an ex and then they all left). whether those involved really know it, it really impacted me in a hard way. i havent been able to make friends really since then. i think i lost most of the little confidence that i had. but, i have already forgiven one person (married him) and am in the process of trying to start new with another (used to be my best friend at one time). i just hope that i can begin to trust people again. to let myself be vulnerable so that i can get back to who i really am. i think im on the way now. :)