Inpatient treatment

He is in treatment now. Went in this past Monday and will not be out until the end of next month. I go visit every day and talk to him on the phone numerous times. He is right in the building next to mine (and I work for the same company that he is getting treated by). He told me something on Saturday that really hit me hard. He started opening up and said that when he gained a daughter he felt like he lost a wife. I took that day to think about things and actually finally talked to my mom whom I have been sheltering from all of this because it was easier for me than to deal with the added stress of her advice. I think that was part of why I was so angry with him. Because I felt like he made me lie to her. So, on the car ride home I felt so much lighter so much better about things. Then I got home to a drunk in the midst of a fight with the neighbor. Some pretty bad things happened that night and then he passed out on the couch. I cleaned up part of the mess and went to bed. The next day we were trying to spend time together before he was to go in to treatment and got into another fight. He left to calm down and the idiot neighbor seemed that he still wanted to start something. I confronted him when he was swinging numchucks at my car and it frightened me more than I have ever known before. All day it seemed the neighbor was gathering a mob to jump him right outside our door. I was scared to leave the house. We tried to watch a movie and ignore it and it seemed to die down thankfully. I was still scared to be at the house by myself and that has also passed.

My first visit was Monday at 6pm. It was typical of our reactions and we fought about letting him leave and come home as he didn't think that he needed it. I stood my ground, not letting him talk me into letting him come home because after what happened the weekend before I knew that he needed it and I really need time away from him to get back to where I should be mentally. He called about 1/2 hr after I left to apologize. Tuesday's visit was MUCH better. He was only there for about 2 days and I finally saw HIM. I hadn't seen the true him in so long that I wasn't sure that he existed anymore. That is why I wanted to leave. As I told him, I hated the person he became before. Seeing his true self starting to come back with me made me even more upset that he was there to begin with. Not angry but sad that he couldn't come home. I had made the conscious decision that he needed someone to stay for the long haul if he was to get better. He has had abandonment issues the same as I have and it was time that we both stuck. I love him more today than I have for the past couple of years or so. I think I treated him the way I had because I wasn't with "him" but with his negative side that had pushed him down into himself. That was the person I was angry with. I can see now that person no longer exists. He has been defeated and the true self is here to stay. I forgive him for all that he has done and all that we have had to go through for the past few years. I am optimistic for once that this is the changing point that will get back to where we should be already. I love him more than I can ever say. I feel like we were always supposed to be together but the timing had to be right. That is not saying that my relationships with other people in the meantime were any less. I have loved others in different ways throughout the years. And I know that I can say for certain that I ended up with who I should be with.