false sense of security

wow. thats about all i can say. i never thought that i was so gullible that i would believe almost anything i have been told. but, obviously i am. there was a job that hired him to work 2nd shift but never really wanted him to do so. from day 1 they tried to get him to work 1st shift even after being told that he was not available. we cannot afford daycare and even have a balance that would have to be paid before she restarted even if we could afford it. so now i have to take all of the brunt of things on my back all by myself. i have to be the one to work, earn enough money to pay bills and feed us, as well as figure out what i am going to do for childcare. all i have to say is wow. i wish i would have known that i was marrying a child. right now i absolutely HATE what he is doing to us. I dont know what to say just that i had better not be going through all of this shit for no reason. if i have to sacrifice this much, he better be fixed immediately when he comes home. that includes being able to get and keep a job to help provide for his family. I just wish he would understand that he is extremely selfish and that he is not thinking of anyone but himself. he really doesnt realize or care that anyone else will have to go through any problems because of this. if he was able to do this outpatient he could at least watch the baby when i work. now i have to scramble to find someone to watch her while also trying to find a 2nd job. the thing that really gets to me is that someone can pretend that things are getting better when he knows they arent. he knew the entire time that he was lying about having a job. my outlook on life has become more bleak once again. what did i do to deserve this?