IT IS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can finally say that all of the crap we have been worrying about for the past few months is now coming to an end. He will stay home with us and stay in the program he is currently in. Everything we asked for!! Thanks to all who have prayed through now. **sigh of relief**

finding the silver lining

so, yesterday a pretty stressful event happened (being vague on purpose) and it was handled pretty well as compared to what would have happened a couple of months ago. things worked themselves out (or are very shortly) somewhat but that's not really the silver lining that i am talking about. this one thing has caused us to deal with some stuff that we have been putting off for too long. this event will put us in a much better position than we were before. and, i was able to see that shortly before finding out it would work itself out. i am proud of myself and the fact that i could see the good even out of the bad. perhaps this is a turning point for me? time will only tell.

By the way...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I am now 30. :)

the enormous change

from the last time i wrote, things have made a dramatic turn for the better. i noticed signs within him that showed he was in a mental relapse, regardless if he had used or not. he didnt see it at first but when he did, it was the moment of clarity he needed. he finally realized that the little work he was doing just wasnt enough to really make a difference and that he needed to give his all to his recovery. he needed to stop the con game he has been playing for so many years. he realized that he is really loved by both his wife and daughter. for some reason, he didnt know that before. now we are working together to make things better for the whole family and are extremely happy about it all. we feel like we did back in the day.

correction to 11/3 post

well, things are looking MUCH better now. we decided to not take the deal and to simply leave it up to the judge to decide his sentence. it seems to be paying off. he will likely only get probation, not 6 mos away. hopefully everything can be pushed until after the holidays. so far, so good. keep praying if you can and thanks for everything you all have done so far.

6 months

Well, found out he will be gone for 6mos. I can't describe the pain of it. the injustice of it. we will survive it though. i love him so very much and will stick with him through it. there is a light at the end of the tunnel, its just a bit farther off than we thought. i think i may stop this blog and start something more healthy. thank you to everyone who prayed. i guess that it wasnt God's will for anything else to happen. it just doesnt make things any easier to deal with.

more drama

so, more drama to deal with again, courtesy the court system and probation. at this point, i am EXTREMELY upset about what is going on and find things to be quite unfair. but, probation isnt meant to be fair. i believe him when he says he did not use, no matter what the test says because he has never been this adamant about it. he has always been honest with treatment even more than with me but he also has never lied when he was outright asked what was the truth. i am so tired of what probation and court decide to do with him since we seem to have the harshest punishments than anyone else that is still in the program. i just wish they would make up their minds and give him actual sanctions with real time frames, like they do with everyone else. thats one of the hardest things, the unknown. the rest is the absence from his daughter and what it does to her. she gets so excited and happy when he is home and this time it was for 2 nights. i just dont understand what they are trying to do. i sincerely hope the retest comes back negative as he says it should as he did not use. then, we will see what they will do. the other thing is that we cannot do anythign about 2 other important matters that will need our attention during the next week as he will be going to court again for them. i just wish that we could get to a place that he can start to do well. that he can start to be complemented at their weekly meeting instead of always being put down or sanctioned. i wish that i didnt need to write this down, especially here but i just need an outlet. i have been driving myself crazy all day. i woke up at 5am unable to fall back to sleep because my mind was racing. what they are doing is going to cause even more problems and start the ball rolling down a steep hill. i pray that things will begin to work in our favor. that life will start to normalize. that he can be home and stay home. and find a job so i dont have to do this all myself. i want this to work so very bad. please pray to whomever you do to help our family. we are in dire need of a small miracle at this point. hopefully the next time i write will have some good news. as i have said before, i dont know how much more i can take. i am determined to stick with him through this, though. i will not abandon him in his time of need. please pray that things get better soon. i may have to get a 2nd job but that would also mean that i would have to find daycare for the evenings too. my life is undescribably difficult. and, to top it all off, my great uncle, my grandpa munchalfen's brother passed away and his funeral was today. they wouldnt even let him come with me to the funeral. i pray that i can be more optimistic but it really is difficult with everything thats going on. wish me luck and pray for our family. thanks. :(

non-profit penny-pinching

so i found out today what my raise will be that will include both my annual (have been here for a year now) as well as an actual promotion. i have to say that i am VERY ANGRY!!! i have been working my butt off with this job, doing things that are not part of my job description, in the hopes that after about a year of that i would be compensated accordingly. not a chance!! now i got my yearly raise and even though i had gotten promoted was not going to get anything monetary to show that. so, they gave me a whopping $500 extra. no, not per month but for the entire year. i was told the raise would be about 10x that amount more per year but nope. on top of that, i am still an hourly employee. some of you may think that's good because overtime is possible but let me tell you... overtime has to be approved in advance or will not be paid and it doesnt usually get approved. along with that, it is now mandatory that all hourly employees take at least a 30 min unpaid break during the day. for those of you who don't know, i pretty much work through any and all breaks so that i can get out of here earlier to be with my family. no i have to start being here for an additional 30 minutes each day unpaid when i really dont want to. this all may seem petty to some but it really bothers me a lot. the little things are those that show you if you are really truly valued by the company you work for. this shows me that although my direct bosses value my work, the organization does not. i wish it was as easy to find a new job as it was 5 years ago but i literally have been applying for the past year because the entire time i have felt that i was not being compensated properly and havent gotten many interviews even. this economy is crazy as it is forcing people to stay in their current positions that at times dont even pay the bills. i have a freaking bachelors degree for christ sake!! i am still even after my "raise and promotion" making more than $15k less than i was before i even had gotten my degree. thanks for letting me vent. i hope i can find a better paying job.