more drama

so, more drama to deal with again, courtesy the court system and probation. at this point, i am EXTREMELY upset about what is going on and find things to be quite unfair. but, probation isnt meant to be fair. i believe him when he says he did not use, no matter what the test says because he has never been this adamant about it. he has always been honest with treatment even more than with me but he also has never lied when he was outright asked what was the truth. i am so tired of what probation and court decide to do with him since we seem to have the harshest punishments than anyone else that is still in the program. i just wish they would make up their minds and give him actual sanctions with real time frames, like they do with everyone else. thats one of the hardest things, the unknown. the rest is the absence from his daughter and what it does to her. she gets so excited and happy when he is home and this time it was for 2 nights. i just dont understand what they are trying to do. i sincerely hope the retest comes back negative as he says it should as he did not use. then, we will see what they will do. the other thing is that we cannot do anythign about 2 other important matters that will need our attention during the next week as he will be going to court again for them. i just wish that we could get to a place that he can start to do well. that he can start to be complemented at their weekly meeting instead of always being put down or sanctioned. i wish that i didnt need to write this down, especially here but i just need an outlet. i have been driving myself crazy all day. i woke up at 5am unable to fall back to sleep because my mind was racing. what they are doing is going to cause even more problems and start the ball rolling down a steep hill. i pray that things will begin to work in our favor. that life will start to normalize. that he can be home and stay home. and find a job so i dont have to do this all myself. i want this to work so very bad. please pray to whomever you do to help our family. we are in dire need of a small miracle at this point. hopefully the next time i write will have some good news. as i have said before, i dont know how much more i can take. i am determined to stick with him through this, though. i will not abandon him in his time of need. please pray that things get better soon. i may have to get a 2nd job but that would also mean that i would have to find daycare for the evenings too. my life is undescribably difficult. and, to top it all off, my great uncle, my grandpa munchalfen's brother passed away and his funeral was today. they wouldnt even let him come with me to the funeral. i pray that i can be more optimistic but it really is difficult with everything thats going on. wish me luck and pray for our family. thanks. :(