drugs and alcohol

they are a bitch. they can make you dependent on them and take your personality away. they create monsters that cant be stopped. but they can. love really isnt enough but it definately helps. my husband got addicted to pain meds after back surgery and became someone totally opposite of his true self in the meantime. although he was never violent, he still did things that he knew were wrong but didnt stop. he did them to push me away because he thought he would never be able to get away from the monster he had become. now, writing a bad check on a closed account has him away to come home anywhere between this coming july and january. drugs and alcohol may help in the short run but they are definately not worth your soul, your family, your self. if you choose to drink, please do it for the right reasons, if there are any. dont do it to mask pain thats too hard to deal with sober. all that does is bring you farther into the monster. love can conquer it. the addicts love of himself. now if we could just get him out of there and back home. the monster is gone and my love is back inside. please let him come home now.

its been a while

so havent written in a while. things did turn for the worse shortly after my last post and he went away last august. politics are holding him back from coming home next month. this state is shit. they dont realize that their decisions to wait to make a decision until after the election are hurting peoples lives, families of those who are inside, not just those that are there. our next would-be gov doesnt care. he absolutely hates inmates and their families. thinks we dont vote too, or that we just dont matter. we have a petition going around and have about 3000 signatures, now we just have to wait until the lazy congress decides to come back from their summer vacation, even though the state is still left without a budget and hundreds of teachers are being layed off. the most vulnerable people in our state, children, the poor, the disabled, they are the ones that are suffering right now, not the damn politicians. makes sense, right...hold inmates for 6mos longer that they have the past 30+ years spending approx 5mil extra on their housing while we have teachers and human services screwed with no jobs or money to keep them afloat. well, its an election year so dont expect anything that could be looked upon as even remotely detrimental being done. someone has to make the tough decisions regardless if they will be here in jan. personally, i would vote for someone that made those hard, unpopular decisions when they were needed instead of waiting and waiting and pretending that everything will work itself out. politicians of il...get off your asses and get this state back on track! NOW, not in sept when you feel like coming back to work. and if you do come in for more sessions during the summer, you shouldnt get paid. no one in the private sector would get paid overtime to do work they were supposed to have done already months before. figure it out and stop using this damn election to hold our loved ones captive any longer than you already have them.

NORMALCY

it has been about a little over a week and things are already feeling back to normal. it seems our family is back to a regular, loving family. without all the extra stress and fighting that had become our norm for so long. we are in this together and it really seems that way now. both of us are doing what we need to make ourselves and our family better and stronger. all that drama is just about over. no need to be worried or anxious every day. we are normal again!!!!!!!!! :)

IT IS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can finally say that all of the crap we have been worrying about for the past few months is now coming to an end. He will stay home with us and stay in the program he is currently in. Everything we asked for!! Thanks to all who have prayed through now. **sigh of relief**

finding the silver lining

so, yesterday a pretty stressful event happened (being vague on purpose) and it was handled pretty well as compared to what would have happened a couple of months ago. things worked themselves out (or are very shortly) somewhat but that's not really the silver lining that i am talking about. this one thing has caused us to deal with some stuff that we have been putting off for too long. this event will put us in a much better position than we were before. and, i was able to see that shortly before finding out it would work itself out. i am proud of myself and the fact that i could see the good even out of the bad. perhaps this is a turning point for me? time will only tell.

By the way...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I am now 30. :)

the enormous change

from the last time i wrote, things have made a dramatic turn for the better. i noticed signs within him that showed he was in a mental relapse, regardless if he had used or not. he didnt see it at first but when he did, it was the moment of clarity he needed. he finally realized that the little work he was doing just wasnt enough to really make a difference and that he needed to give his all to his recovery. he needed to stop the con game he has been playing for so many years. he realized that he is really loved by both his wife and daughter. for some reason, he didnt know that before. now we are working together to make things better for the whole family and are extremely happy about it all. we feel like we did back in the day.

correction to 11/3 post

well, things are looking MUCH better now. we decided to not take the deal and to simply leave it up to the judge to decide his sentence. it seems to be paying off. he will likely only get probation, not 6 mos away. hopefully everything can be pushed until after the holidays. so far, so good. keep praying if you can and thanks for everything you all have done so far.